Spanking Party Jitters

As you can tell, I have to be in the mood to write. Obviously, the mood hasn't struck much lately.

There have been a lot of spanking party post in lots of blogs lately. I'm interrupting my chronological post of events (I've made it to 2008 - woot!), with the exception of congratulating Richard Windsor for his 1 million hits and counting on his blog, to say I've been invited to a spanking party, my first. Yay! It's a small one, which appeals to me much more than one of the bigger ones. Plus, it starts two days after my birthday, so I'm told we will be celebrating it, along with another one, while we are there. I'm not a social butterfly by any stretch of the imagination, particularly after my accident, and do much better one on one and in small groups. After my accident, I don't always choose the right thing to say or do and sometimes I just generally end up looking a little (and sometimes alot) foolish without meaning to do so. The butterflies in my stomach get bigger and bigger each day as I think about things like:

1. What if no one wants to spank me and I'm the only one who isn't spanked by everyone - more than once?

2. What if my butt is so ugly, the spankers take one look and try to hurry and give a respectable length of a spanking so they can quit and not have to look at it much longer...andddddd that will be my first and last spanking from them....annnnd my first and last conversation with them - ever.

3. I'm not naturally pretty like most girls, which has always been ok with me. I'm not ugly. But I'm NOT pretty. So who would REALLY want to spank me anyway? I mean, I'm not young or tiny or model material by any stretch of the imagination.

4. What if I say or do something so stupid, no one will want to talk to me for the whole weekend after my unintended faux paux? Or ever again, for that matter.

5. What if the other spankees and spankers laugh at all my newbie mistakes?

6. What if my birthday spankings hurt so much I'm not able to be spanked anymore for the whole weekend - except for littly wimpy stuff ...so I just end up being a god-awful wallflower and have to watch everyone else instead of joining in the fun?

Those are some of the many thoughts that are rolling through my head. I know. They are totally unreasonable and silly. But still, I am nervous.

I plan to start in on the adult beverages just soon enough to relax my social reservations...just enough to relax, have fun, and not have the caught in the headlights look.

However, I AM really excited about meeting new people, making new friends, and reconnecting with old friends. Oh. And of course, the spankings! But right now, my social awkwardness and fears are making the jitters in my stomach multiply daily.

There is a part of me that is really intrigued with the more fun side of spanking (without the sexual component - unless I ever get a non-vanilla boyfriend.) I have a whole list of role play things I might like to try out someday, including several school girl ones. My whole life I have pursued things with the goal of sport, then coaching and for the most part have attained my goals. Then there was college, then eventually four degrees. Then - my accident. Even after my injury, I am still pursuing some specific goals. Plus I'm trying to take some classes. Plus taking care of an aging parent while being disabled myself. Plus still learning how to cope with my injury and its pain and deficits and how to compensate without it making me so incredibly tired. I've never, in my whole life, relaxed and let my hair down. Heck, I didn't even have a typical kids sleep over or birthday parties as a kid - because there was always training to be done, a goal to pursue, something to perfect or improve. I even missed my high school prom for sports related activities. I think it might be time to stop putting so much pressure on myself, relax, and just have some fun. I'm thinking a spanking party might just be the perfect place to start, especially once pre-party jitters dissipate. Some Firefly peach tea just might help in that department!